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TV Gal Shows Off Her Education
(Wednesday, May 19 11:12 PM)
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LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) - It's a little known fact that I was an accounting major in college. It's a well known fact that it wasn't exactly my forte. There were many times when I wished I could have stapled a $10 bill to the test with a note that said, "If you use this money, the balance sheet balances. Thanks." If only I could have majored in television viewing. I could have written essays on Joss Whedon's use of foreshadowing and David Kelley's misuse of repetitive themes. I would have taken classes on the complete works of Aaron Spelling and examined J.J. Abrams' hint encryptions. My academic days could be spent dissecting Aaron Sorkin's dialogue and taking multiple-choice quizzes on reality shows. Sample question: The end of civilization was indicated by: a) "Playing It Straight," b) "The Swan," c) "Forever Eden," d) "Fear Factor" or e) all of the above. |
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With this academic frame of mind, let's take a look at the lessons learned during the 2003-2004 television season: Listen Up Teens, We're Serious. Don't Have Premarital Sex: So Ephram slept with Madison on "Everwood" and she ended up pregnant. So did Brooke on "One Tree Hill" after she bedded Lucas, and Teresa on "The O.C." after she had a roll in the hay with resident bad boy Ryan (although Eddie could be the papa). Beth and J.J. on "American Dreams" also ended up with a child on the way. If I were Rory on "Gilmore Girls," I would be very, very worried. It's an interesting television trend that more teens on TV are having sex much earlier (we're so past the days of Donna and David), but the consequences remain the same.If You Really Want to Get a Guy to Confess His Love, Threaten to Move to Paris: Carrie Bradshaw started this trend on "Sex and the City" when her move to Paris caused Big (or should I call him John?) to finally realize that Carrie was "the one." Hearing about this, Rachel on "Friends" employed the same tactic to get wimpy Ross to realize what we've known for 10 seasons. Not wanting to be left out, Lana on "Smallville" thought this may be the perfect way to get Clark to finally confess his secret. Here, let me try it: Boston Rob, I'm moving to Paris. Going forward please refer to me as La Femme de Tele.If It's a Season Finale, Get Out of Town: Seth and Ryan left their beautiful -- but apparently not that big -- mansion on "The O.C." Lucas decided to follow Keith out of "One Tree Hill." Jack plans on following his wife to Chicago on "Without a Trace." Sam left Luka and her life behind on "ER." Danny was called up by the army on "Las Vegas" and Clark was called home by his birth father on "Smallville." Frasier followed his heart to Chicago on the series finale of "Frasier."Your Ex Always Comes Back -- Especially in November, February and May: Rory had to deal with both Dean and Jess this season on "Gilmore Girls" (kids, that's what happens when your pilots don't get picked up). Simon returned to Glen Oak to win Cecilia back on "7th Heaven." Sean returned and rekindled his romance with Eliot on "Scrubs." Donna found out what Casey had been up to on "That '70s Show." The entire season (but whoopee, not series) finale of "What I Like About You" revolved around Holly and Val dealing with their bevy of ex-boyfriends. Things didn't work out so well for Sherry Palmer when she returned to "24" and Ryan couldn't shake Teresa on "The O.C."What did you learn this television season? Talk about it on the TV Gal message boards.Best News of the WeekFox picked up "Arrested Development" for 13 episodes next season. Let's pause now for the dance of joy.Worst News of the WeekABC decided not to pick up "Life with Bonnie" for a third season. Was it too clever for the network "According to Jim" built?Where Have I Seen Them Before, Part 2Vanessa Ferlito, the doomed Claudia earlier this season on "24" and Adriana's friend Tina on "The Sopranos," worked at the CSI lab in New York on "CSI: Miami." We'll be seeing her next season on "CSI: New York."Quotes of the Week, Part 2"It was rather like a dinner with Paula Abdul. Sweet but forgettable." Simon to Jasmine Trias on "American Idol.""I will be going to China and you can go to hell." Maxine to Ignacio on "Judging Amy" after she realizes he is still married."You were completely out of it. We're talking Farrah on Letterman." Lorelai to Rory on "Gilmore Girls."Quotes of the "Angel" finaleHow could I pick just one?"If the next words out of your mouth are 'Kill Spike,' we might just have to kiss." Angel to the Circle of the Black Thorn."It's weird. Part of me always knew life would end after high school. I was very popular, you know." Harmony to Angel when he asks her if she misses being human. I love the symmetry that Harmony was in the two-hour pilot of "Buffy" and the last episode of "Angel." "Come on. You drop by for a cup of coffee and the world's not ending? Please." Connor to Angel when he joins him in the fight."First off, I'm not wearing any amulets. No bracelets, broaches, beads, pendants, pins or rings," Spike telling Angel he's in with a few caveats."Well personally I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work." Angel in the final lines of the series.Changes for Next SeasonAs the networks announce their 2004-05 schedules for next season, here are a couple of things worth noting:David Gallagher is moving back to Glen Oak and "7th Heaven." Chandler and Roxanne are moving away. Both Jeremy London and Rachel Blanchard are not listed in the cast for next season.Poor Pete never had a story line to call his own on "Smallville." Sam Jones III is also not listed as part of the cast for next season. Word is that Annette O'Toole's real-life husband Michael McKean will join the series and reprise his role as Daily Planet editor Perry White.Highlights of the Week Ahead, Part 2
All times listed are Eastern Time for May 20 to 23I knew something was up when NBC wrapped up all its series last week and we're still in thick of May sweeps. The network promises a "Bonus Seinfeld Surprise" (NBC, Thursday, 8:40 p.m.) sandwiched between the Danny Devito as stripper episode of "Friends" (um, yeah, we so never needed to see that again) and a reprise of the one-hour "Friends" series finale.Is Jack really going to Chicago on "Without a Trace" (Thursday, CBS, 10 p.m.) or will Anthony LaPaglia leave the series, well, without a trace? The smart money says LaPaglia will be back next seasonI plan to spend the summer catching up with "Joan of Arcadia" (Friday, CBS, 8 p.m.). I really like the show but it's hard to fit in during the regular season. The series ends its first season with Joan doubting her faith and the return of the "cute boy" God.Lily's hairstyle still really bugs me (seriously, she couldn't comb her hair?), but I have to admit that I like "Cold Case" (Sunday, CBS, 8 p.m.) a lot more than I did when the series premiered last fall. ABC deserves 30 lashes with a wet noodle for the way they've programmed "Alias" (Sunday, ABC, 9 p.m.) this season. To make fans wait three weeks for the season finale is ridiculous and a sure-fire way to confuse and alienate even the most devout viewers. Sure we don't need to track and fully understand the Rambaldi prophecy, but sometimes even I can't remember what happened on the last new episode. That's probably why I hold the minority opinion that it's actually not a bad thing that ABC is holding the fourth season premiere of "Alias" until next January. Once the show returns, it will air uninterrupted sans repeats. That's the kind of momentum the show needs. Plus, I'll admit it definitely softens the blow that "Desperate Housewives" is the show bumping Sydney. "Desperate Housewives" is the series I'm most looking forward to next season (see, who says I can't be nice to ABC?) It's like they said, "La Femme de who would you like to see in a television series?" and then made it so. "Desperate Housewives" stars my faves Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman, Marcia Cross, James Denton, Sheryl Lee and Eva Longoria. It's executive produced by Charles Pratt Jr. (one of the writers of "Melrose Place"). Seriously, how can we not love this show? By the way, poor Sheryl Lee (Laura Palmer on "Twin Peaks") once again plays a dead person.That's all for today. But I'll be back next week to wrap up May sweeps. I'll have my picks for the best and worst season finales, a preview of the third season finale of "24," thoughts on the "American Idol" finale (go Fantasia), and "The West Wing" (if moving to Paris doesn't work, try a life-threatening situation as a way to get a guy to confess his love). I also have my thoughts on the schedules the networks announced this week ("24" on Monday?, "The O.C." on Thursday?). Many of you have asked if I will still write my column in the summer. Darlings, of course I will. I'll be here all summer long to tell you about the new summer shows ("Summerland"), the returning shows (I can't wait for "Amazing Race") and for the third annual Amy Awards. Have questions, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week? Write me at amytvgal@zap2it.com by clicking on my byline at the top of my column. |
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